So for those of you who follow hot, sweaty, man-on-man action… erm… MMA, this weekend’s EliteXC Supercard featured the destruction of internet phenomenon Kimbo Slice at the hands of Seth Petruzelli. Sure, the fight only lasted 14 seconds, but that was apparently more than enough time to crush the hopes and dreams of a 34 year old, 6 ft 2in 240lb man. Despite being a last minute replacement, Petruzelli was able to bring the – apparently travel size – pain and put a halt to Slice’s rise to fighting glory.

Slice was originally slated to face The World’s Most Dangerous Man (circa 1990 I guess) Ken Shamrock, a 44 year old MMA legend. Shamrock, a favorite of mine 15 years ago when I still watched professional wrestling, was unfortunately barred from competition when he received a cut over one eye in a pre-fight workout.

EliteXC initially thought to turn to Ken’s brother Frank (himself a semi-retired 34 year old) only to find the younger Shamrock was already scheduled to provide broadcast commentary for the fight. That left the door open for Petruzelli, a journeyman, who stepped up (or should it be horizontally) and spoiled everybody’s fun.

It’s hard to sympathize with Slice, a man propped up by hype and determined to make the most of his brief fame or with Shamrock, a fighter nearly 8 years retired despite the fact he shows up for work every couple of months.

Instead, I feel for the fans who tuned in to watch a 44 year old ex-pro wrestler throw down with Youtube’s finest brawler. Not because they missed out and had to settle for 14 seconds of Slice v Petruzelli, but because they are all idiots, sadists or both. Honestly, Slice v Shamrock on a Saturday night? Have some class, rent a Faces of Death video and listen to ICP (Juggalo!).

Slice himself provided closing remarks on the evening.

“You knocked me out in front of my family” Slice told Petruzelli in a post-fight press conference, “that’s fucked up.”