We don’t know where to start.

Apparently on Sunday, as the Bengals were choking away game number four to the Browns, two yahoos got a great idea: Lets go steal stuff from the practice field right next door! Because, of course, the near-70,000 fans leaving the debacle early would never see a thing.

Anyhow, The Cincinnati Enquirer reports Ryan Garvey and Ryan Braun (no, there’s no relation, you kook) tried to jump the fence at the practice field and steal a practice dummy. Yes, a practice dummy, the same things every high school in the nation has.

The two were charged with theft and criminal trespassing, while the Bengals called and asked them to use their athletic ability for the team’s offense.

Ok, maybe not. But they did call and ask them to try out for general manager.