He’s already accused of stealing Rudi Johnson’s bags the day the Lions signed Johnson and cut him. Tatum Bell says it’s all bogus.

Valid? Maybe, although Johnson doesn’t believe it, and says, while the bags were returned, they were empty, including missing credit cards and an empty money clip.

But Bell couldn’t sit well enough alone. He talked to the press, and unleashed what we believe is the world’s first quadruple double-negative. Count them if you can stomach it:

“I ain’t no thief,” Bell told The Detroit Free-Press. “I ain’t never been one, and I ain’t never going to be one. It was all a misunderstanding … You can ask anybody I played with for all my years or anybody that know me, man. They know I ain’t never stolen nothing from nobody or had those kind of intentions.”

We’ll allow you the chance to stop your head from spinning before moving on. Done? Good.

Johnson should get a number of the touches Bell would have had in today’s game against the Falcons. Bell? We’re sending him back to fourth grade.