Read it with pictures at www.lovewithoutnagel.wordpress.com. Soon we will get this worked out, I promise.

It’s 2008 and this is the last image of Superbowl 42. I cannot lie, while I am slightly offended that the Giants are not higher up on the 2008 “power rankings,” these power rankings are a lot like residential home prices from 2006…..total bullshit. But let’s get into this. We are all here to read hilarious ramblings about the 2008 NFL season. At some point I will tell you the most interesting story that’s ever happened to me (but for now let’s just say it is a police matter where my party was on the receiving side of a disagreement). It would be a great way to kick off the season, but alas it will have to wait.

Last year, I opened up with Commissioner Goodell’s policy, which I was concerned would threaten my ‘arrest of the week’ feature. Since August 13, 2007 when I wrote those words, 68 NFL players (and now former NFL players) have been arrested. That is one player every 5.6 days! Goodell’s policy didn’t kill my best feature, it may have enhanced it. I would certainly be remiss if I did not mention the tip of the iceberg here. In Cincinnati’s last home game, Chris Henry, yes Chris Henry was named game captain for the Bengals. This is high comedy to be certain.

I also made fun of Michael Irvin for his Hall of Fame speech, a year later Irvin is serving as a role model to Adam “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones. Its funny how time flies, One year ago I picked the Old Shit Stains of the Great Western Reserve (Baltimore Ravens) to win the Super Bowl; obviously I was wrong, lucky for me the New York Giants took down the Patriots in what was one of the most memorable games ever played in the National Football League. I went 39-28 last season and finished up just under 1000 imaginary dollars so it was a good NFL season for me. If you will notice that put me up almost 1400 imaginary dollars during last football season. I am about as awesome as Matthew McConaughey in Two For the Money, you know before the bottom fell out on him.

Last season I focused on key additions and subtractions from teams in the offseason. I found that long and drawn out, so this year I am just going to focus on some interesting names that were cut on the final day to get NFL teams down to the 53 man roster.

Chris Simms- Losing his spleen for his team wasn’t enough to get him a roster spot, but the Bucs did keep 4 QBs out of spite. What have you done for me lately Simms?

Adam Archuleta- This former workout freak and former overpaid Redskins player will have to just rely on his millions of dollars to keep him warm.

Ben Jarvis Green Ellis- Ex- IU Hoosier/ Ole Miss Rebel and Domino’s Pizza enthusiast Green-Ellis may want to consider working for this pizza chain which he was so fond of while he spent time in Bloomington. I hope he finds out in a karmatic fashion that tipping should not be optional. *Note- He has been signed to the practice squad.

Joey Harrington- Harrington’s career in a word….disappointing. Hopefully he will be able to have a career playing piano and writing songs about the numerous interceptions he threw.

Reche Caldwell- Was released from the Rams after learning he couldn’t catch a cold.

Chad Jackson- Speaking of Florida receivers, the second year man got dropped.

John Lynch- I don’t have much bad to say about Lynch. If Rodney Harrison can still be effective, why can’t Lynch.

Four Big Stories For 2008

1. Shawne Merriman seeks fifth opinion on knee.

I could honestly care less if players decide to pay no attention to sound medical advice. I care even less since Merriman was suspended for using steroids in the past. I do care that Merriman’s selfish plan only helps him if he is able to play through the pain so he can get a bigger money contract if his stats are up to par this season. It holds the San Diego defense hostage. In a related note, Victor Conte is reporting that Merriman is coming to see him for a fifth opinion on his torn knee ligaments. If you believe this, I would love to sell you some beach from real estate in Nebraska.

2. Can Seattle Keep it Up?

The Seahawks have made the playoffs five years in a row. Can they make it again? The odds are definitely not in their favor (playoff longevity seems to elude NFL teams), but then again, who is going to make a play at them in the NFC West? The 49ers, with JT O’Sullivan at the helm? The Warner-led Cardinals, or the 3-13 Rams? Somehow with a banged up WR corps and running game that is one Julius Jones knee away from catastrophe, the Seahawks have to make it six in a row.

3. Is Tavaris Jackson any good?

I tend to say “no,” but everyone else seems to think he is the next big thing in the NFL. I guess the media is very desirous of a black quarterback doing well. I don’t even think the Vikings make the playoffs. So, okay the Vikings will be able to run to the left behind Steve Hutchison and Bryant McKinnie, but do the names Sidney Rice and Bernard Berrian actually strike fear in any cornerback’s hearts?

4. Can Aaron Rodger be Favre?

No, but we all know my feelings about what Favre has done to himself and his career. Look Rodgers might not be too bad. There is no way he has the arm strength, but Green Bay will adapt to that. I am fairly certain Mike McCarthy is aware of this, that’s why he didn’t want Favre back. He wants a QB that he can reign in when necessary. That’s what Rodgers will give to Green Bay. Each week they know they can expect a stat line like this until they deem it necessary for Rodgers to throw more: 15/20, 205, 1 TD, 1 INT.

AFC PLAYOFF TEAMS

East

New England still wins this division going away, but the margin will be slimmer (how’s that for a prediction). The Pats will go 12-4, followed by the playoff bound Bills at 10-6, then the 8-8 Jets, finally the 5-11 Dolphins.

North

Pittsburgh wins the division because I can’t think of anyone else. The Bengals are going to be the scariest 7-9 team of all time, Cleveland will prove that they were a one year wonder at 6-10, and Baltimore (5-11) will struggle with too many questions on offense; namely McGahee’s surgically repaired knee and Joe Flacco’s rookie season.

South

Indianapolis (12-4) wins the division unless there are a bunch of catastrophic problems, such as Jared Lorenzen playing quarterback. Jacksonville (11-5) will finish second again (did they know that the forward pass is legal?), an improving Houston (9-7) team will be third and Tennessee (6-10) and their 200 running backs are going to fall off the face of the map, maybe.

West

I think Jay Cutler and Denver (10-6) are going to be much improved this season and they will claim the division title. Something about Shawne Merriman’s knee, cutting Lorenzo Neal and Phillip Rivers makes me very uncomfortable about San Diego (8-8). They will miss out on the playoffs in the final two or three weeks of the season. Oakland (2-15) and Kansas City (2-15) will battle for the number 1 draft pick in 2009.

Wildcards- Don’t look now but the only question the Bills still have to answer is at the quarterback position. I think they break the eight year curse and make it in. Jacksonville, on the other hand will make it in because they have a QB that will win games when called upon, is steady and mobile. Also, Jacksonville has a stellar defense.

NFC

East

If everyone says Dallas is going to win the division, then I say that they are going to implode mid season. Something about too many cooks in a kitchen makes me uneasy if I am a Dallas fan…..Oh wait, if I were a Dallas fan I would believe the hype. For some reason I think Philadelphia (11-5) wins this division. Dallas finishes second (9-7), the New York (8-8) and finally Washington (8-8)

North

Chicago wins the division (10-6) because, well Kyle Orton did that once before. Detroit finishes second (8-8), then Green Bay (7-9) and finally Minnesota (7-9).

South

New Orleans wins it because their offense has to be better than anyone else’s in the division (9-7), they will be followed by Tampa Bay and their 4 QBs (8-8), Carolina is improving (7-9) and Atlanta and my least favorite quarterback from the draft finish 4th in division (5-11).

West

Seattle wins (10-6) because everyone else in the West will be 0-16.

Wilcards- Dallas and Tampa.

The Super bowl match-up will be Indianapolis- Philadelphia!

I’ll take the Colts. I went with Baltimore last year and that was certainly wrong as hell. It can’t get much worse this year.