If you’ve followed Gustav and it’s damage, you know the game: The National Hurricane Center routinely thinks of names for each year’s hurricanes, from A-to-Z, and retires names of big storms (i.e. There will never be a Gustav or Katrina again). So, we got bored. Again. Really bored. And we thought of our list of sports names. Here goes:

A: Hurricane Adam (formerly known as Hurricane Pac-Man): Beats the hell outta Cuba, but the minute it gets to Texas? Changed ‘Cane, moves to just a thunder storm … until week four, when it sneaks to the Gentleman’s club.

B: Hurricane Bill (Belichick): Makes landfall as a category five, destroys town after town, state after state, goes down as the most damaging, awesome hurricane of all time … until we find out it used three other small hurricanes to prop itself up. Arlen Specter promises investigation.

C: Hurricane Chris (Henry): Makes landfall as a category three, but spins so hard hard liquor squirts out to underage kids. Kills 30, 29 from drunk-driving accidents. Only hurricane to be jailed.

D: Hurricane (Mike) Davis: Heads towards the states, but is so unintelligible and confusing no one takes it seriously. Thunder shower.

E: Hurricane Erin (Andrews): Category one hurricane, does no damage, but looks gorgeous doing it. “Isn’t that a pretty hurricane?,” folks are heard to say. Voted sexiest, and least useful, hurricane of all time.

G: Hurricane (Roger) Goodell: Feeling it violated hurricane bylaws, Goodell suspends itself for half the year, then tries to regain hurricane strength in March. Ends up as an ice cube.

H: Hurricane (Bob) Huggins: Category three Hurricane in the Atlantic Ocean, looks ready to hit Miami, gets a tad drinky and ends up in Iceland. Never makes American landfall.

J: Hurricane (Chad Ocho Cinco) Johnson: A category three nearing the US, calls Mike and Mike and demands a trade. Is shipped to the Myanmar.

K: Hurricane (Steve) Kragthorpe: A category five hurricane just days before landfall, Kragthorpe turns into a sunny afternoon by the time it hits land.

L: Hurricane Lee (Corso): Category four hurricane? Not so fast my friend! Only a three, but it peppers the gulf coast with broken Ticonderoga pencils.

M: Hurricane Marat (Safin): A category five hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico until it goes insane, pulls it’s pants down, and turns into a tornado that does no damage. Half inch of rain.

N: Hurricane Nick (Saban): “I am not a hurricane. Why do you keep telling me I am? You people are disgusting for even asking”. Hits as a category five, kills 75 people in Mississippi.

O: Hurricane Ocho (Cinco): Not getting enough coverage the first time, hurricane Johnson calls Mike and Mike, complains, asks, to be traded back, then re-forms into hurricane Ocho.

P: Hurricane (Bobby) Petrino: Makes landfall as a category four hurricane in eastern Texas, then realizes the land is more fertile in Florida, jumps there, only to realize a better landfall in Georgia, then Alabama, then Misssissippi, then Louisiana …

R: Hurricane Roger (Clemens): “So Gustav says you were a category four at landfall. True?”. “No, he’s misremembering”.

S: Hurricane (Kelvin) Sampson: A category one that becomes a category five by using a wind-increasing machine made by scientists at MIT. When exposed, Sampson is paid $400,000 to leave the National Hurricane Association. He leaves in shame.

T: Hurricane Tom (Brady): Makes landfall as a category four, destroys dozens of homes, kills eight, but everyone says “Man, that hurricane sure is handsome”. First hurricane to get ad campaign with Nike.

X: Hurricane Xavier: Category four hurricane takes aim at anyone that wants to pronounce it’s name “eggs-avier”. Kills 13 sportscasters.

V: Hurricane Vijay (Singh): Forms into category four storm, then drops to tropical storm when it realizes the next storm is behind it ..

W: Hurricane Tiger (Woods): Drops from a category five to category one at landfall, yet still does more damage than any hurricane in history. Other hurricanes complain Tiger is just that much better than them.