“I’m a Yao Ming Soldier” Ron Artest.

Houston, TX: With Tropical Storm Eduardo expected to reach ‘Hurricane’ status sometime before a Tuesday landfall, Houston, TX city officials have taken drastic steps to maintain order. In a press conference held early this morning, Houston Mayor Bill White announced that he had requested and received permission to deploy the Yao Ming Army in the event of a major catastrophe.

“This is part of the leadership equation,” White said, “it is my responsibility to take advantage of whatever resources I have available. With so many of America’s finest deployed overseas, rather than stress National Guard resources, I leveraged the city’s strong relationship with Yao and Coach Rick Adelman.”

Adelman, and Rockets management initially opposed the deployment, citing the team’s already over-loaded summer schedule and involvement in the Beijing Olympics, but with the Houston Arena beginning to show its age, management seized the opportunity to generate some good will.

“We have to respond,” coach Adelman said, “you have to be resilient… you find out what you’re made of [when deployed to perform major crowd control, urban management and martial law].”

However, with the bulk of the Yao Ming Army deployed at the Beijing Olympics, the Chinese center will have to delegate authority to one of his teammates. Analysts initially expected forward Tracy McGrady to head the unit, due to his ability to run the offense and three-point stroke, but McGrady’s already balky back prohibits command of any large-scale humanitarian relief efforts.

“I’m not just a basketball player,” McGrady said, “I’ve got other talents.”

Command will instead fall to the newly acquired Ron Artest. Adelman said that he was comfortable with the switch, citing Artest’s intensity and versatility. Rockets’ personnel also feel that Artest is a natural fit as a defender of public safety and more than able to restore access to vital amenities and medical care.

“He’s definitely had an impact on the way we defend [the public during a national disaster],” Adelman said, in reference to Artest’s crowd-management skill-set, “He gives us a guy who can basically shut down [rioters]. He also does things you just can’t teach. Every situation, he has great instinct and he has great physical ability.”

Residents are understandably wary, but expect to weather the storm in relative peace. The Mayor’s office does not expect the crisis to last longer than a day or two, and the Yao Ming National Guard is anticipating a sectioned withdraw beginning early Thursday afternoon.