Poor Kobe. We’ve seen a mountain of material over the last few years describing him in rather unflattering terms. From Phil Jackson’s book on the Lakers to Shaq’s freestyle slam on Bryant, and everything in between, Kobe’s public image has been irreparably tarnished in America. As an athlete, Bryant now represents the ultimate in selfishness and me-first attitudes…a raging control freak, an egomaniac, a talented scorer who believes he’s the most important person on the floor at all times, and someone who just doesn’t have what it takes to lead his team to a title without another superstar to rely on.

Yes, Kobe Bryant may have the worst reputation of any team-sport athlete in the USA (with the possible exception of Barry Bonds). But I have to wonder…what would the opinion of Kobe Bryant be if he was a striker for a European football club?

(NOTE: This is where I need someone with mad photoshop skills to put Kobe’s head on Didier Drogba’s body. Or Wayne Rooney, for that matter. In lieu of that, I’ll just show pictures of both, and you can try to imagine what I’m getting at.)

Wouldn’t Kobe be far happier and more successful fronting a 4-1-4-1 formation than trying to get Luke Walton to run the triangle? Strikers and attacking midfielders in soccer get the largest share of the glory when they score, they can almost always blame their backing players if they don’t score, and they can act petulant and self-centered without any fear of reprisals. Hell, a striker who DOESN’T act petulant and self-centered is looked upon as not doing his job in most instances.

Yes, at this point, Kobe seems to be the ultimate striker. All he’s really missing is a WAG-like wife. I’m not sure what Vanessa Bryant does in her spare time, but hopefully she’ll hang out with Victoria Beckham this year and pick up some tips.

That actually brings up another point — how far away are we from having a dedicated group of WAGs that we can make fun of here in America? Posh Spice is really our first one, isn’t she? Most of the wives of athletes in America have been pretty low-key…or worse, have been women with nice public reputations that serve as charity figureheads. Giselle is too quiet, Deanna Favre is tied to the whole breast cancer research thing, no one’s ever seen Peyton Manning’s wife, etc. Even the comically visible wives (Doug Christie, come on down!) are more crazy than WAGgish.