The Meaningful Collateral

Long story short, I rocked the Conference Semifinals 4 for 4 in my predictions. So I’m going to take about 45 seconds right now and gloat. Yeah, feels nice. Feels good. That was fun. Assuming nobody was really paying attention - a safe bet with today’s NHL - let’s just say the last round can be summed up as follows: Montreal was too soft, San Jose showed up 3 games too late, New York couldn’t keep up and Colorado got old, fast. The winner’s bracket, meanwhile, gives us a pair of kick-ass Conference Finals that will both thrill and delight the score of NHL fans scattered across Northern Alberta.

We’ve got the NHL’s premiere market and President’s Trophy winners Detroit primed for a showdown with a Dallas team that beat not only last year’s champ (Anaheim), but also this year’s trendy favorite (San Jose). Detroit trots out leading goal scorer, Johan Franzen (11 goals), the ageless Nic Lidstrom and the always nifty duo of Datsyuk and Zetterberg. Dallas, meanwhile, boasts Conn Smythe frontrunners in Brendan Morrow and Marty Turco, as well as the sparkling Mike Ribeiro/Mike Modano/Brad Richards combination down the middle.

Out East, it’s all Pennsylvania as Pittsburgh and Philadelphia steamrolled good teams to set up what could be a classic showdown. Pittsburgh is all flash with Geno Malkin, Sidney Crosby, Marian Hossa and Ryan Malone (ok, that last one wasn’t as impressive). They can skate, they can score and by this time next year we might even see Sid’s playoff beard start to fill in. In the other corner, Philadelphia essentially pummeled Montreal out of the playoffs. The superlative play of goaltender Martin Biron has allowed the Flyers forwards and defense to play a borderline, reckless style full of big hits and highlight-reel goals.

I would say both series are even to the point of being toss-ups, but that would discount the fact that I totally rocked the last round (4-0) and will undoubtably pick things perfectly yet again.

Eastern Conference Finals

Pittsburgh (2) v Philadelphia (6)

This series will get ugly quickly. It’s probably ugly right now. I’m sure somewhere in PA Derian Hatcher is sitting in a ‘85 Ford Taurus, drunk out of his mind trying to write “Crosby Sucks” in the grass in front of Melon Arena. At first blush this could be a mismatch; with the Flyers leading the playoffs thus far in penalties taken and Pittsburgh nearly unstoppable with the man advantage. Philly can’t expect to win a 5 on 4 series, it just isn’t going to happen. With that said, only the goaltenders out West have done anywhere near the job Martin Biron has in net for the Flyers. He’s critical, as it will be his play that enables - or disrupts - Philly’s ability to cheap-shot the will to compete out of their opponents. Pittsburgh will need to adjust quickly to playing a team that isn’t afraid to take a major penalty to set the tone. Hatcher and Jason Smith are legit badasses along the backline, and top to bottom the Flyers forward corps - led by RJ Umberger and Mike Richards - will headhunt.

Pittsburgh will lean on the two best players in the game - Malkin and Crosby - to make sure every power play counts, and failing that, can always trot out Jarkko Ruutu or Georges Laraque if things get really nasty. On a personal level, it’s always fun to watch two guys who can barely skate (Laraque/Hatcher) try to punch each other in the face without falling down. A supporting cast that includes Marian Hossa, Jordan Staal and Petr Sykora means that the Penguins have the guns to run away with a special team series, which might just take Philly out of their gameplan. Marc-Andre Fleury has been very good so far, but he’s going to get higher quality chances now. Pittsburgh hasn’t played a team that fights as hard as Philly does, and how they adjust early on could determine the course of the series.

I say the young Pens will keep their cool and execute on special teams. They’ll get enough out of Fluery not to lose any games, and barring a major star turn by Biron should advance to the Stanley Cup Finals.

Pittsburgh in 6

Western Conference Finals

Detroit (1) v Dallas (5)

Detroit is exactly where they should be. The experience-laden Wings overcame a brief stutter in the first round to roll through an Avalanche team closer to the morgue than serious cup contention. Ask the shattere shell that used to be Jose Theodore how well the offense has been holding up, or Peter Forsberg’s groin how well the League-Champions have responded to physical play. This is a serious team with serious firepower and it looks poised to make a grab at Lord Stanley’s Cup. Outside of Chris Osgood - who has done exactly what he needed to do so far - there are no obvious holes in this lineup. The only concern I’d have is the fact that Detroit hasn’t played a quality opponent yet. Though plucky, Nashville was a powder puff and Colorado rolled over and died. On the one hand, this should mean Detroit’s oldish lineup is plenty fresh, on the other, it could leave them vulnerable to an aggressive opponent that has fought hard through each of the previous rounds. Ask the Ducks and Sharks how dangerous a poor start can be in a best of seven series.

After almost a decade of serious disappointment, Dallas finally got it’s shit together and pushed deep into the playoffs. Turco has been outstanding, the scoring has been timely and I challenge you to name a better all-around performer than Brendan Morrow so far. The return to health of Sergei Zubov added much needed experience to a youthful back-line that has so far seen of every challenge thrown their way. The Stars are a serious threat to anybody, Detroit included. On paper, they roll three lines that can score, have a balanced d-corps capable of moving the puck or banging bodies. I say on paper because Detroit has owned Dallas for years. The opposite of Detroit, Dallas fought through two excellent teams to get this far. This could mean that they’re sharp and poised for yet another upset, or it could mean they’re due to run out of gas eventually. The way they start the series will be critical. The play of Marty Turco will have to be top notch.

I want Cinderella to stay strong. There have been no flukes so far for the Stars, they’ve earned every win they’ve got. Still, it’s hard to overlook the Red Wings’ track record of success. That said, only a douche picks both favorites, so I’m bowing to my homer instincts and saying this is Marty’s year.

Stars in 7