I have watched and listened to the MLB Steroids Hearing on Capitol Hill today starring Roger Clemens and Brian McNamee.  99.99% of the time these hearing are long, drawn out and boring.  While today’s hearings were long and drawn out for certain, it was the most entertaining thing I have heard/seen in quite some time.  But let’s back up.

One of my professors in Graduate School always posed the question to us, “Why Shouldn’t athletes take steroids?  Don’t we as fans want to see the best athletic performance on the field possible?”  He also continued by saying, “Use of HGH and Steriods have been proven to be relatively harmless if used in proper doses, yet allows athletes to reach their athletic pinnacle.”  Keep in mind he is not an advocate for using these drugs, he was simply trying to point out inconsistencies that we as students had about sports and performance. 

He made some relevant points.  HGH or Human Growth Hormone IS (in 2008) administered to AIDS patients and the elderly.  Whether right or wrong it does help athletes recover from injuries faster.  It has some medical value.  Steroids (non-anabolic) are administered to patients for a number of uses, and anabolic steroids ARE helpful to athletes.  There are reasons to use these substances.  The problem, as my professor pointed out, is that people refuse to use medications properly.  I am a firm believer that moderation of anything (food, medication, exercise, etc) is a major key to a healthy lifestyle.

There have been a number of studies called the “magic pill theory.”  In the first study conducted, researcher George Mirkin asked more than 100 competitive runners a simple question, “If you could take a magic pill that guaranteed you an Olympic gold medal, but would kill you in within the year would you take it?” 

To Mirkin’s amazement more than one half of the over 100 runners said without reservation that they would indeed take this “magic pill.”  This study has been performed time and time again, with varying qualifiers and variables such as, “would you take this pill knowing you would die before the age of forty, you can win a championship, etc.”  The overwhelming majority of the results have come back saying these peak physical specimens would indeed take this magic pill knowing that they would die as a result of ingestion.

Back to the present.  This first study was performed around 1956, it is now 2008.  There has been a ton of research, new drugs have been developed, new training regiments have been created.  The one constant is that most athletes are-

1.  Willing to do anything to win.

2.  Willing to mortgage their futures in order to get an edge on their respective playing fields.

3.  Willing to do anything to get that next big payday/contract.

Are we as fans really that naive to think that when baseball records began falling that there was no specific reason for that?  Are we to believe that NFL players and the NFL in general has a steroid and banned substance test that is head and shoulder above MLB?  Have you seen NFL players?  Have you seen the huge numbers of violent acts that NFL players have performed on and off the field?

I will give the NFL one caveat.  I will agree that since the NFL players union was strong-armed into agreeing to banned substance testing that they are ahead of the MLB players union in some regard.

So now we know why players have done what they have done.  So let’s get back into today’s hearings.  According to my sources, the United State’s National debt is currently $9,248,924, 589,139.98.  So why in the hell are we wasting time interviewing two men about about steroids and human growth hormone?  How much is this costing the tax payers?  How does this session help the interests of Joe Citizen who elected these officials to represent them.  Granted, I can see how this helps me.  This is better than Law & Order re-runs, but it is probably not worth the dollars and cents I am paying for this hearing.

I have gone on for almost 650 words and have not mentioned much about the hearing, so here are the particulars.

Henry Waxman, the chairman of this MLB Steroids on Capitol Hill session has the obvious opinion that McNamee is telling the truth and Clemens is lying.  This started with his opening statement where he spoke highly of the Mitchell Report, and has said on two occasions that they did not ask for this hearing, the Clemens camp did.  He has thanked Brian McNamee for appearing, and has been at odds with Clemens all day.

Clemens has thrown E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E under the bus.  This list includes; his wife, his former trainer/friend (McNamee), his best friend (Andy Pettite), MLB Commissioner Bud Selig, and his former nanny!

Clemens also has used the five ”D’s” of Dodgeball to avoid questions.  Those of course are dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge!  He used these so well that Patches O’Houlihan would have defiantly been proud had he not been killed by a large “luck o’ the Irish” neon sign in a fictional Las Vegas casino.

After almost five full hours of paying attention to this coverage I cannot once recollect a single incidence where Clemens actually answered a question directly.  He discussed what a great American he is, how the past President of the United States of America knows how to find him, and that he was willing to play in a past All Star game as a replacement.  All of these were useless rambling comments.  For those of you who did not see this hearing or listen to it, think of the Billy Madison scene where Adam Sandler’s character has to answer the “Reflections of Literature in Society” question in the decathlon scene.    

I almost was waiting for Waxman to lose it and give Clemens something like this:

“Mr. Clemens what you just said is one of the most insanely, idiotic things I have ever heard.  At no point in your rambling incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.  Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it.  I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.” 

Clemens also has a hazy memory it would appear.  He cannot recall conversations with his friends that he had about very specific topics, while McNamee can tell you the color of the bathing suit that the nanny wore to Jose Canseco’s party in 1998.  The only clear statement the Rocket made all day was when he said “I never took steroids or HGH.”

Brian McNamee on the other hand, already has two professional baseball players out of three that have corroborated his story.  He also has needles and gauze pads with steroids and Clemens blood on them.  Sure, I agree he is bat-shit crazy but those samples are probably going to come back legit, right?  Who the hell keeps old needles in beer cans just in case some shit happens?  Isn’t that a health hazard?

LWN’s QUICK HITS

Clemens got a TON of softball questions, but even then continued to give round about ramblings to direct questions.

McNamee has no reason to lie.  His life, career and future are already shot.  He has a dying son, he could care less about lying at this point.

Why would Andy Pettite, Clemens old nanny, and McNamee all lie and have similar stories about specific events?

McNamee was GRILLED about his past, his lies, etc while Clemens got off pretty much unscathed yet could not clear his name.

While entertaining, this was a waste of time and money.  Sadly, I must side with McNamee here.  It is my opinion that since Clemens could not be/was not direct with answers to any questions I have to side with a drug dealer over one of the greatest pitchers of all time.  I will not say Clemens is lying persay, but it certainly seems that way.