The last few weeks our little website has grown exponentially in readership, and we thank you so much for that. But for whatever the reason, we’ve gotten fewer hits from Rhode Island than any state (or D.C.) in the union. So, to you, our faithful 50th stater in good ol’ Rhody, we want you to know how much we love you.

Really, we love you. Enjoy our love! NOW! (btw, that synthesizer in your state song is totally awesome!)

To show how much we care, we here at TMC promise you a number of things.

Start with 1998. Remember that Stanford/Rhode Island elite eight game in the NCAA tourney? When the Rams blew a 6-point lead with 59.8 seconds to go?

Gone. You’re now a member of the 1998 Final Four; Stanford wins all the non-revenue sports - it doesn’t need a semifinal berth in hoops. Heck, all the UK fans say coach Tubby Smith won the ‘98 title with Rick Pitino’s players, so you know what we’re doing? We’re making you a finalist (we’d give you the national title, but, well, we’re a bit scared Rick Majerus would eat us).

More about our promises to the ocean state after the jump.

As we said earlier, we love the state song, but the lyrics, eh …

Rhode Island, oh Rhode Island
surrounded by the sea.
Some people roam the earth for home;
Rhode Island’s It for Me.

Ok, we promise to rewrite the ditty. How about this?

Rhode Island, we get sh*t done

Rhode Island, if you don’t have fun, then you can go to hell!

Like it? We do. It’s all you, Rhody!

Tom Penders? Jim Harrick? Good URI coaches, got you a lot in basketball, but didn’t leave under the best terms. For you Rhody, both of them: Gone! Your coach for the last 100 years is John Wooden. The Rams now have 25 national titles.

Enjoy the Kentucky Derby? It’s yours: We’re getting a crane to lift Churchill Downs and move it to Providence.

Don’t like horses? They’re gone, glue, puppy chow, whatever you’d like.

Hated Frank Thomas on TBS’ baseball coverage? He’s euthanized. Just for you.

What about Connecticut and Massachusetts? Aren’t those states a bit intrusive?

Done: Connecticut is now next to Nebraska. Massachusetts is right under North Dakota. You now own all the east coast beyond New York City.

Your state motto is “Hope”. That seems a little weak. How about we change it to “f*ck ‘dem b*tches up”? Like it? We’re all for you, RI #1.

As you can see, we here at TMC are true Rhode Islanders. We love. Really. Accept our love unconditionally … because we’re watching you …

In a good way!