Growing up in Indiana, I’ve had long-term exposure to horrible football. Whether it was watching my alma mater (Indiana University) suffer through an interminable string of losing seasons, watching the abortive Fred Akers and Jim Colletto eras at Purdue, or watching the Indianapolis Colts repeatedly suck for 15 years, bad football was never that far away. I know bad football. Bad football is a good friend of mine. It’s because of this background that I can safely say the following:

Miami, your NFL team is the worst football squad in the entire league right now.

More after the jump.

The argument for the Dolphins as the worst team in the NFL is a fairly easy one to make. First, let’s look at the numbers:

OFFENSE: I can appreciate Cam Cameron wanting his own guy at quarterback. Cameron helped tutor Trent Green in Washington back in the mid-90’s, and set him on the path of becoming a better-than-average starter with Kansas City. And hey, as an Indiana alum, I have plenty of fond memories of Trent Green as a starter. But the Trent Green that Cameron coached in Washington was about 12 years younger, and several major injuries ago. THIS Trent Green is playing more like Gaston Green, although I don’t recall Gaston ever throwing the ball into triple-coverage so many times.

How bad has this Trent Green-led Miami offense been? Well, points-wise, they’re in the middle of the pack (18th, with 78 points scored). But as we look deeper into those numbers, it’s easy to see the problems. Green already has only 5 touchdowns, yet 7 interceptions, which is bad enough. But even worse is the fact that his three main receiving targets — WRs Chris Chambers and Marty Booker and RB Ronnie Brown —  have a total of two touchdowns between them. Furthermore, the 7 INTs that Green has thrown ranks the Dolphins at 30th in the league — tied with the decaying carcass of the New Orleans Saints offense and just ahead of the clusterfark known as the Bears’ starting QB position.

The running game isn’t in much better shape. Ronnie Brown busted out for a big game in a losing effort against Oakland on Sunday, and was serviceable against the NY Jets, but was completely MIA for the first two games of the year. Honestly, as bad as Miami’s pass offense is, I’m shocked that the Raiders didn’t just stack 8 in the box on every down and stop Brown. Rest assured, most teams will be doing exactly this for the rest of the season.

Lots of people have been scratching their heads about the Dolphins’ offensive ineptitude, saying something along the lines of “Wait, isn’t this team being run by the guy who directed the Chargers’ unstoppable offense last year?” Well, yes, although we’re seeing what that offense does without LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates as options. I don’t think Cameron is totally to blame in this area (because obviously, the Chargers are much worse offensively in his absence), but it’s not as if Green, Brown, and Chambers are an untalented trio. Perhaps not Gates/Tomlinson/Rivers talented, but still good enough that they shouldn’t be as bad as they’ve been this year.

DEFENSE: This is where the Dolphins are their worst. Ironically, their pass defense is among the “best” in the league, at least in terms of numbers - the Fish are 2nd in attempts allowed and third in completions and yards allowed in the passing game. But their run defense is…horrible. I mean, there’s a level of atrociousness being attained here that few have approached in recent NFL memory. Miami ranks 30th in scoring defense, ahead of only the Lions and the Bengals, neither of which has a defense to speak of either. But whereas the Bengals have surrendered most of their points through the air, and the Lions are only interested in shootouts, the Dolphins have managed to attain their defensive ineptitude almost exclusively in their (lack of) rush defense.

The Dolphins lead the league in rushing yards allowed at 797. 797! Through four games! That’s a pace of nearly 3200 yards allowed on the ground for the season. While other teams have allowed more yards per carry than Miami, their 4.9 YPC-against demonstrates two things. First, that the unit, which features old dudes like Zach Thomas, metrosexuals like Jason Taylor, and nutcases like Joey Porter, is just soft from a physical standpoint. Second, when coupled with the lack of pass attempts by opponents, it shows that the rest of the league goes into games versus the Dolphins fully expecting to just beat the crap out of Miami’s front seven and ignore other segments of the game. When Justin Fargas is going for nearly 200 yards against you, something is dreadfully wrong — and your opponent knew that already.

COACHING: This is where I feel bad for Dolphins fans, because I got the sense that they were a tad bit optimistic about the dawning of the Cam Cameron era in Miami. While I understand that Nick Saban was no ray of sunshine, there’s little reason to celebrate the arrival of Cameron as a head coach ANYWHERE, let alone for one of the more storied franchises on NFL history.

It’s been really remarkable watching the start of the Cameron era unfold up close, because Indiana University fans lived through all of this 10 years ago. The same problems we had in Bloomington under Cameron are appearing in full force in Dolphins Stadium. Soft defense that costs the team a chance to compete in games? Check. Questionable personnel decisions (Ginn, Culpepper, Porter)? Check. Receivers unable to get into the end zone? Check. Strange playcalling, including an overabundance of 4th down attempts? Check. All that’s missing is a dynamic running quarterback to give you false hope every week, Miami — which is why I wouldn’t be shocked to see the team try to bring Kordell Stewart out of retirement. Okay, just kidding, but still. Can Cleo Lemon run with the ball? He may end up starting in a couple of weeks.

Whatever the criteria used, the simple fact is that the Dolphins are entering each game with perhaps the worst chance to win of any team in the league. And Dolphins fans aren’t taking it well at all. Following the team’s loss to Oakland at Dolphins Stadium, some Miami fans responded after the game by pelting the Raiders’ team buses with rocks and bottles, shattering the windows of one bus and rendering it unsafe to drive. Strange, I know — and ironic, since if the same thing had happened in Oakland, no one would’ve thought twice about it.