As the posts come flying off the shelf, I thought I would take this  opportunity to check in. Yes, it’s the Hebrew Hammer, bringing you the absolute worst that college football has to offer.

The background: They call me “The Hebrew Hammer”. The nickname was given to me by none other than TMC’s own Love Without Nagel. At the time I was led to believe it was homage to my roots and witty sense of humor, but in reality LWN just thinks I am neurotic. He’s right. I have multiple (yes, more than one time I wasted my parent’s money) degrees in Sports Marketing/Management, but I hate people who wear their degrees as badge. Sure, I’ve had the opportunity to work all over the sports business but I that doesn’t mean I have all the answers. I have worked in college athletics for two years and the only thing I know for sure is that I am much better suited to not have a boss.In a world of sports over-stimulation fueled by seventeen ESPN networks, every sports fan assumes they can write and talk about sports. Every fan believes they have all of the answers when it comes to their team. With this in mind, I have decided to dedicate my efforts to educating people on the flip side. What about those games you don’t want to hear about? That is why I have titled my weekly posts: “The Game They Shouldn’t Play”. I am talking about the worst games of the week that, frankly, have no business even being played. The games that ESPN will never dub “The Game of the Century” for the sixth time. The games that scroll across the ticker endlessly while you struggle to find out the score of a game that actually matters, or determine who (and where) the hell Gardner-Webb is. Games where people come to see the drum line (just admit now that you love Nick Cannon) first and the football second. Those are the games I want people to love to hate.

I am not anti-non-BCS schools (double negatives make everything better), just anti-pathetic competition. So without further delay, I’d like to roll out my first-ever Game That Shouldn’t Be Played:

San Jose State at Utah State

The inaugural pick was a tough one, with a juicy little Thursday night match up between Western Kentucky and Middle Tennessee State screaming for attention. While I have to seriously consider any matchup including MTSU, Western Kentucky already has two wins and a couple of players in the NFL, including Kansas City wideout Bobby Sippio and Cincinnati fullback Jeremi Johnson. That, in my opinion has way to much potential. Sippio, incidentally just finished dominating the Arena Football League (125 receptions for 1,739 yards and 53 touchdowns). Can an NFL team really be impressed by that? Success in the AFL is like a baseball player dating Alyssa Milano. Sure, it looks great at first but then you realize she’s dated your entire team and your crotch itches. Given that potential, and given the fact that San Jose State and USU are a combined 0-6 coming into the weekend, the decision was practically made for me. Nothing gets my attention quicker than losses, and lots of them.

What we know: Non-BCS teams look for respect by scheduling big-time opponents. If you are San Jose State, you take big money guarantees and start your season at Arizona State, at Kansas State, and at Stanford. I certainly give them credit for not being afraid to take on three quality BCS programs. Let me rephrase that. Two programs that used to be good and one (Stanford) with a coach who can’t seem to shut his mouth. Jim, schools with revenue-generating football programs do anything and everything to get their marginally qualifying students (academically) through school so they can play. Dexter Manley can give you a call if you don’t believe that — just don’t ask him to write you a letter. Let’s all congratulate Jim Harbaugh for being the first person to uncover this trend and to publicly badmouth his alma mater in the process. Jim, if it weren’t for Michigan, you would have never have been the mediocre NFL quarterback that we grew to know and expect interceptions from.

Meanwhile, San Jose State has managed to score just 17 points in 3 games, forcing head coach Dick Tomey to already start making comments like “We competed better tonight and that for me is something to build on as we continue on this season.” Competed? What high praise for your winless football team! “Hey guys I know we got our asked kicked but I couldn’t be more proud. Lets build on our mediocrity next week in hopes that we can go out there and continue to piss away our season.” San Jose State is destined to be a favorite of mine all year if the coach has already thrown in the towel. Bless you sir.

Utah State: Right now you are thinking ‘Hey, wait! I saw Utah State on Sportscenter in Week 3! They can’t be that bad!’ Well you would only be half right. Utah State was the team being beaten like a rented mule by Oklahoma last week. The defeat dropped Utah State to 0-3 after loses to UNLV and mighty Wyoming in the first two weeks. Despite playing in the decent WAC, Utah State is like the creepy uncle of BYU and Utah — everyone knows about it but no one wants to talk about it. For your personal education, Utah State is located in Logan, Utah. How about we let the good people of Logan describe their locale in their own words:

“A thriving community of nearly 50,000, Logan boasts and exceptionally high quality of life for its size”

Hammer: A high quality of life for its size? What does that entail? Running water? Indoor plumbing? Does that mean I don’t have to wait three hours in line for bread? I’m intrigued….

“Nestled in a beautiful valley, Logan offers unmatched vistas and geography”Hammer: Oh I see. Logan is in the middle of no where and no one can find it on a map. Seriously…I’ve tried and I still can’t find it.

The Matchup:

You know the records, but what might be more telling is the totally anemic offenses of both teams. San Jose State is managing just 190.3 yards a game, while Utah State is averaging a robust 222.3 yards per contest. Something has to give, right?

In the end, San Jose State just doesn’t have the offense. Senior quarterback Adam Tafralis (who is also their leading rusher) is 33-of-57 for 303 yards (101.0 ypg), with three INT and one touchdown for the ENTIRE year. Is Knute Rockne running the offense? Don’t expect a repeat of the famed 1979 USU-SJSU game, which ended in a 49-49 tie, the second highest scoring tie game in NCAA history. With both of these teams destined to battle it out for last place in the WAC, it’s a shame that someone has to win. Maybe they can go for that tie….hey, anything is possible during high school football.

Prediction:
The Utah State Aggies take this one on homecoming 24-13 in front of 2,104 jacked up fans.Enjoy the game!